I remember when I was younger, perhaps at the age of 9-10 I was forced taught to fast. Back then ramadhan was during school days- what bad timing I thought. I was so young and I didn’t quite grasp the idea behind fasting month so I fasted because mother told me to. There were days when I lied to my parents saying I fasted in school but truth was, I sneaked food into my oral cavity during recess. I’d drink a glass of water in the house kitchen whenever I could. Until one fine day when mother caught me off guard with truckloads of ‘sate ikan’ in my school bag- and that was the day I remember pissing my mom off and perhaps the start of all lies. (Astaghfirullahalazim)

Took me quite a while to fully fast that my parents had to think of incentives ($$$) to get me to puasa. A ringgit a day for a full-day fast (yes, the time when one ringgit coins mattered). Even then, I couldn’t didn’t fast. Such a nuisance, I was! It wasn’t until the age of thirteen (so late kan!) that I completed ramadhan without cheating!! By then my parents stopped offering incentives, lol.

I still remember the days during the month of ramadhan when my mom, brothers and I would stay in PD for a week or so to take of Arwah Atok. Cousins and I would sleep together and wake up to Trix Cereal for sahur. And later, bazaar ramadhan in the evenings. And when weekend arrived, my dad would drop by and bring more food for buka.

It wasn’t much later when I started performing tarawih- my then-reason-for-terawih was because I had a school friend who prayed at the same mosque. Nights when I’d skip the later rakaats of solat just to talk to that particular friend and sometimes newly-made-friends (… we were always at the back row of the jemaahs, yapping away!). My friends and I would be the first few to officiate the moreh (desserts served after tarawih prayers)- obviously we were capable of doing that sebab solat witir pun jarang buat! And that was during the early years in junior high.

Despite all the naughty things I did in my past ramadhans, I also remember looking through the window each night on the last 20 days of ramadhan trying (really hard!!) to witness Lailatulqadar with my naked eye- eyes locked onto the trees and leaves, waiting for them to bend (sujud like how we do in our Muslim prayers) as believed. Only much later did I replace my ‘daily night observation/curiosity’ with extra prayers and Quran recitation instead :)

Reminiscing is love ayyy! Hoping I'd make full use of this holy month this time around, insyaallah. Now that i'm bigger and supposedly wiser.. :)