a vivid journey of self expression

Time after time.

2011-10-22T19:20:00.000-07:00

I’ve left this site for two months! Why two months? Because I was in paediatrics for two months!! Bunyi macam busy tak? Memang busy pun hehe.

October has been the month of firsts for me. First posting of paediatrics, first blackberry-mishap, first end of posting exam and the best first Johor wedding. Lets go chronologically; paediatrics.

To be honest, I was dreading this posting. Number one reason being I’m not a huge fan of kids. Number two: scary paediatric stories from seniors. But voila! I got through two months of play. I know this sounds a tad bit cliché, but hey I actually look at kids nowadays. I’ve always been the kind who doesn’t really care of the existence of these little chunks but I’ve been tamed to such a level where I look at a baby and think of their age range and make conversations even. Cey, bajet power. At least I got look a bit la to these group of people :)

Proud moment over.

Now first end of posting exam or EOP in short. Ahhhhhh I did terribly. Was truly disappointed with my performance after two months in paediatrics. I was given a cyanotic baby and I couldn’t pick up her cyanosed lips!! Albeit mild.. still. A sign is a sign and I think that’s really important la. It was my FIRST CVS case I’ve ever examined (in paeds!). Two months of paediatrics and I’ve only seen 3 cvs cases, 2 of which I was not allowed to examine and 1 the night before EOP whose heart was enlarged and apex beat was displaced. And the 4^th one DURING EOP. Cuak tak cuak. Started off the exam by interpreting the cardiac monitor. Goreng gila. The worst part was I couldn’t catch the murmur :( Turned out the baby was cyanosed and had a pansystolic murmur. I was very honest during exams okay, tak dengar murmur so I cakap tak dengar murmur. Transmitted sounds everywhere. I was also given the opportunity to interpret an X-ray. Yes, a boot-shaped heart (I was actually thinking of it but had no guts to pour it out lol). My X-ray interpretation was.. bad. I need more practice.

But it was a good first experience. That’s medicine la, you keep learning and you learn best during exams lol. Time to move forward ey ;)

Medicine aside. Congratulations to my elder brother for the successful solemnization, satu lafaz Alhamdulillah :) I now have a sister after 20 years!! It was our first Johor wedding, quite an experience. Loved the tol part, and ambo-ambo ceremony (bride and groom had to throw sweets to the floor for people to catch). I got one sweet yayyyy. The kompang performance was too cute. Ahhh. Culture shock sikit hehe. Semoga bahagia ke anak cucu! <3

:(

2011-09-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

My cat of FOURTEEN years. Rest in peace, Chicco. :'( He's always been part of us.

September 15th 2011.

Nerdville.

2011-09-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

So clinical started like two weeks ago. And at week two I’m still quite blur. I go to wards every single day, my legs are kinda wobbly from standing too long during ward rounds, like jelly hehehhh.

That one I can tahan la, but my antibody getting lousy everyday I’m prone to infections of late. Patients cough, I cough back. Kinda embarrassing to be clerking and barking at the same time. Had my first presentation in front of my clinician two days ago and I was very… everywhere! How to say ah, I barely passed. Like cukup cukup makan. Flushing red during physical examination and I was sweating like nobody’s business. Need to learn how to hide the panic.

Got CNS case la, otak jam kejap.

But so relieved after that lah! Hope I’ll be more systematic after this. Paediatrics is tough, I gotta admit. One of the busiest departments I swear! It takes a lot of patience… Dah la tak pandai melayan budak budak haha. Physical examination is opportunistic- which means you gotta examine when they’re not fretful. But every posting comes with different challenges kan, gotta live with that ;)

So here’s my schedule everyday: 8-5pm wards. 5-7: dinner. 8-10pm: wards. Social life= nil. Now curi curi time to blog, dah complete case summary finally!

Sigh, I should probably study some dysmorphic features now..

Riang rayayyyy.

2011-09-04T00:58:00.000-07:00

If only raya were everyday every month!

Esok sekolah. Kan best kalau kita sekolah sama sama macam dulu. :)

I set fire to the rain.

2011-08-18T10:49:00.000-07:00

I’m a person full of.. life. I celebrate little things even if it’s just the passing of my driving test. Well okay, I didn’t (get to) celebrate the passing of it because everybody else sorta had theirs earlier so celebrating it a little later than the rest would have been awkward. Push the exaggeration aside- oh you get the point?

But the process of celebrating requires tolerance, decisions and participants. The latter being the toughest of the entire process- ensuring an audience, which doesn’t always tally with your expected number. It’s a challenge when you’re overly excited about a certain event and your backbones aren’t, it kills the mojo yaknowhatimsayin’?

Guess I’m just really sulky tonight. Writing on a failed attempt of planning a simple ramadhan feast. You get a moody, sulky me. There were many times when I vowed to not plan events no more but I got restless and I kept planning- ideas tend to pop at the randomest times. And I’m back to the feeling where I’m just really sick and tired of planning and having to decide all the frikkin time. Vicious cycle it is.

But then again, humans can only plan and Allah decides the rest right? Maybe I shouldn’t be so ambitious at partying out so much and channel ‘ambitious me’ to my medical books instead. Haha, I wish..

Started out as a feeling which then grew into a hope.

2011-08-16T01:13:00.000-07:00

Because I don’t know what to read for MCQ tomorrow, I’ve decided to spend a little bit of my time with you, oh blog.

This week has been pretty busy. Been busy recalling physical examinations that I’ve learned for the past six weeks and despite so much exposure, I’m still very slow-ow-ow-ow. Aside from my negativity, I’ve also been busy berfoya-foyaing with my colleagues :) It’s our last week in UM so bigbigbig gatherings are a must. (There’ll be more, I hope!) Buka puasa with medical ASTARians just last night. :)

Can’t believe we’re heading to Klang soon-ish. It’s so scary! Can’t believe two years have passed. Before you know it, we’ll be sitting for our final 3A exam. Cheers to this bond, the (short) years left in medschool and insyaallah to the many more passes in exams.

Klang, be nice. To us, please! :)

Aaaaaa.

2011-08-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

Last week in UM.

I’m scared.

Cause I don’t know what I learned the past six weeks.

Shoot me.

Stuck like glue.

2011-08-06T01:44:00.000-07:00

Aside from fasting, Ramadhan is also one of the months where you get to perform terawih in unison with your loved ones. Had buka puasa cum terawih at Lynn's :) Despite the fact that the number of girls are now down to seven this year.. (whymusteverybodyleave?!) it was still wonderful to see 'em gorgeous ladies looking holy heheheh.

As usual, our annual ramadhan shot:

(CURRENT)

THIS WAS THEN... We were biiiiiigggggg :) Miss you people lah!

Ramadhan! :)

2011-07-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

I remember when I was younger, perhaps at the age of 9-10 I was ~~forced~~ taught to fast. Back then ramadhan was during school days- what bad timing I thought. I was so young and I didn’t quite grasp the idea behind fasting month so I fasted because mother told me to. There were days when I lied to my parents saying I fasted in school but truth was, I sneaked food into my oral cavity during recess. I’d drink a glass of water in the house kitchen whenever I could. Until one fine day when mother caught me off guard with truckloads of ‘sate ikan’ in my school bag- and that was the day I remember pissing my mom off and perhaps the start of all lies. (Astaghfirullahalazim)

Took me quite a while to fully fast that my parents had to think of incentives ($$$) to get me to puasa. A ringgit a day for a full-day fast (yes, the time when one ringgit coins mattered). Even then, I ~~couldn’t~~ didn’t fast. Such a nuisance, I was! It wasn’t until the age of thirteen (so late kan!) that I completed ramadhan without cheating!! By then my parents stopped offering incentives, lol.

I still remember the days during the month of ramadhan when my mom, brothers and I would stay in PD for a week or so to take of Arwah Atok. Cousins and I would sleep together and wake up to Trix Cereal for sahur. And later, bazaar ramadhan in the evenings. And when weekend arrived, my dad would drop by and bring more food for buka.

It wasn’t much later when I started performing tarawih- my then-reason-for-terawih was because I had a school friend who prayed at the same mosque. Nights when I’d skip the later rakaats of solat just to talk to that particular friend and sometimes newly-made-friends (… we were always at the back row of the jemaahs, yapping away!). My friends and I would be the first few to officiate the moreh (desserts served after tarawih prayers)- obviously we were capable of doing that sebab solat witir pun jarang buat! And that was during the early years in junior high.

Despite all the naughty things I did in my past ramadhans, I also remember looking through the window each night on the last 20 days of ramadhan trying (really hard!!) to witness Lailatulqadar with my naked eye- eyes locked onto the trees and leaves, waiting for them to bend (sujud like how we do in our Muslim prayers) as believed. Only much later did I replace my ‘daily night observation/curiosity’ with extra prayers and Quran recitation instead :)

Reminiscing is love ayyy! Hoping I'd make full use of this holy month this time around, insyaallah. Now that i'm bigger and supposedly wiser.. :)

Have a blessed Ramadhan everyone. May Allah reward us with His bountiful blessings. Amin.

Blerghhhhhh.

2011-07-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

So I’ve entered ‘clinical phase’ recently. Going around the wards, follow people here and there, act busy, yada yada that kind of Grey’s Anatomy stuff (minus the obscene parts!). I mean you know how you get excited for a certain something only to feel a little down once you’re ‘in’ it? Don’t get me wrong. I like the idea of correlating what I’ve grasped the past two years into real life situations, just that I wished I could think a little bit more?

People tell me to read this book, that book, finish this book, that book. I read, I forget. I go, I remember some. I forget the rest. I ask and then I don’t think. And I end up.. clueless. Doctors shoot questions on a daily basis and all you do is blink or mumble. Yes, mumble I do that a lot. Some things I can answer lah but I mumble. And for a person who speaks quite a lot in my comfort zone, I’m pretty darn pathetic and shy!

Then you look around and see people mastering this physical examination, that physical examination and youre barely skillful. So I get now why doctors need to be competent. Because when all around you is kiasuuuu you gotta be kiasuuu or you’ll be a frickin tortoise like me :(

At the rate that I’m ‘performing’, I’m scared to start my postings. I really really am.

Tuesday trauma.

2011-07-19T05:44:00.000-07:00

Abdominal pain at the umbilical area. Onset- half a minute prior to ward rounds. Flatulence. The urge to defecate under circumstances. . . Pain. Pain. Pain. Duration- for as long as ward rounds take. Exacerbating factor- doctors ? Cases? Relieved after every ward round. Severity- six out of ten.

But today I experienced giddiness, palpitations, sweating and nausea. Ended up vomiting in the ward (thank God I was in time for the toilet otherwise.. funny smell all over). Sat by the staircase like an emotional kid, couldn’t care less of the doctors who walked past. I felt weak. Relieved by Mentos.

And I thought breakfast could withstand you the entire day.

Diagnosis made by labmates: Ward Round Syndrome.

Life, as we know it.

2011-07-16T03:45:00.000-07:00

Happy to have been part of the volunteer team for Relay for Life Malaysia although I didn't contribute much! Special thanks to Manissa Sufian for making me do a tad bit for the community. It was a wonderful (first) experience to have witnessed many individuals and families come together to honour the cancer survivors. The Luminaria was ah-mayyy-zing! Finally got to be part of this big event after many years of cant-dos! :)

Al-Fatihah to my late grandaunt and aunt.

Here comes challenge.

2011-07-14T02:59:00.000-07:00

‘It’s like being in CSI. Finding clues, working out the mathematics, thinking and solving. All eyes on you.’

Welcome to clinical years. So far it’s been..........

tiring (baru tiga hari haha!).. ly fun.

Back then when politics was just a subject not an issue.

2011-07-09T02:21:00.001-07:00

It’s not that I don’t believe in politics. It’s part of faith, to believe, to correct, to stand up for what is right. I just need to read up more. And there are many things I need to be sure of. I was reading an article on Islamic views of a public demonstration and it got me thinking. To demonstrate for what is right is fine, provided the leader of such has the same views- one that doesn’t clash with Islamic rights and that the people involved in the demonstration must be ethical.

But reading through some of the political background around here, I’m not sure what to believe. The government may be faulty at some areas but they have done good to me even for a bit- subsidizing my education while pembangkang’s too have some good views that I may or may not agree on. Which leaves me in the middle. Here’s a tweet from Ustaz MAZA which went like this:

"Menyokong beberapa idea pembangkang bukan bererti menentang kerajaan. Menyokong beberapa idea kerajaan bukan bererti menentang pembangkang. Otak kita mesti lebih luas."

Until my leaders show a relatively clean reputation, only then will I be able to actually see, believe, support.

So why am I entitled to vote at this age again? I still feel like a 16 year old.

P/s: Congratulations BERSIH 2.0 for ending the demonstration in peace. :) Semoga tuntutan dikotakan.

2011-07-06T03:35:00.000-07:00

While everyone else busied themselves catching up with their loved ones, roam around the world for Summer strikes again, working part time to maximize their four months worth of university break, I on the contrary have been occupied with a little bit of the former and none of the latter three. Instead, I’ve been going back and forth to campus for electives and community work preparations.. which means I have only four days of semester break before my third year.

Two reactions when I speak of my ‘long’ holidays to my homies; either they laugh or their jaws drop. And despite having the shortest break, I must say I enjoyed this year’s break a lot more than I did in first year where I did nothing but waste the whole month. This year, however was different- I spent the period after electives preparing for Baktisiswa (an annual community program conducted by second years in my course) and started my first six days of July in Kampung Lobong Lobong, Kota Belud Sabah! :)

Gotta be honest, I dreaded the event few days before leaving thinking who I’d end up mingling with for my roommates pulled out earlier due to circumstances, how I’d survive at an area where there is no phone line (six days!) and if I would enjoy or suffer for six days. Did I mention six long days, in a state I’ve never been to, like ever? Yeah.

Okay, I might have exaggerated a little bit but really that was how I felt. Well, almost.

July 1^st came and the 50-50 feeling faded. I felt.. happy. Happy to be at a place where all I saw was just green. No buildings, no traffic, none of the city-stress factors. The best part was, no phone line reception so I neglected my phone for the rest of my stay and it felt so bloody good. For insights of Baktisiswa, click here Baktisiswa 2011.

Wished I could write from day 1 to day 6. It’s a wonderful memory, the kind that I can’t write on paper, let alone type. I never thought I’d say this, but today I’m proud of my medical team. For what we worked for, what we have done and most importantly how we touched lives. I’m glad I was part of it all. A wonderful experience I’ll cherish till the end of time. :)

Hear me out.

2011-06-22T05:42:00.000-07:00

Whatever I’m experiencing now, I hope it’s all just hormonal.

Things will change, I have no choice but to believe in it. So this is how it feels like to be truly alone.

Written.

2011-06-21T00:36:00.000-07:00

Islam is not what Muslims do, but what Muslims should do. And to know what they should do, one needs to learn what are in fact the teachings of Islam. Then after knowing that, then you judge Muslims in accordance with what Islam is. Not to judge Islam in accordance with what Muslims do

- Dr.Bilal Philips

Long live all the magic we made.

2011-06-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Blog Archive: August 29^th 2010- I wished for a backyard party.

Ten months later, it came true.

My girls and I sort of planned it a month earlier. We came up with a bunch of ideas like Traditional Tea Party, 70s Tea Party, Breakfast-till-Dinner Restaurant Hopping and Backyard Picnic. After all those ambitious plans, we settled for the backyard and our usual sleepover afters.

Little did I know that our TparT would turn out so pastel and fun! :) We sorted our tasks beforehand and everything turned out as planned! Everybody had to bring a meal or two to make things fair. So here’s what we had for tea:

Homemade scones from Hana’s Mum
Apam polkadot
Cupcakes from Inhouse
Hot hot buns from me Madre
Snacks; potato chips, tim tam
Pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut
Rice Krispies; Hana & Elin’s baking
Tuna & Chicken Quiche by Kak Hazlina
Macarons from Lava
Popcorns from Giant
Watermelons (aaah, thirst quenching and healthy!)
Mango soda, courtesy of Qila
Justea (.. we don't do Earl Grey)

Petite girls with big appetite ey? There was no specific occasion for this TparT other than to celebrate Hana’s homecoming. It was a much needed reunion after so long. Despite the overwhelming meal, we still insisted on dinner at Panaroma later that night! Toldja we’ve got space(s) in the gut.

I’d do this one more time, fo sho :)

A friend said to me “you became a tea expert since you turned twenty one”. I kinda like that haha. My mom’s a huge influence, I swear.

My swimbuddy turned famous..

2011-06-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

My friend, Manissa Sufian made it to the news!! No, she didn't steal anything haha. She's giving, serving, caring oh you name it for our cancer survivors!! :)

So proud of you and your team :)

Once upon a random day.

2011-06-18T04:50:00.000-07:00

Somebody said i don't look like the kind who would have a boyfriend because I'm a sexist. Haha that's a first. Damn cute.

To be honest, i thought i heard sexy at first. ;)

Three years later..

2011-06-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

Loved today's meet up sesh with my NS girls!! :) Heard PLKN will be extended to six months, goodluck la eh lil' juniors. So funny la can't believe Iwe survived three months of what-felt-like-cadet-kelly.

Look, now can take photo nice nice a bit, everyone's fairer lol. Although.. i kinda think im forever tanned or something. Oh wait, i forgot im pure Malay, how putih can i ever be ;p

One day i could play it all back.

2011-06-14T23:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder how my life would turn out if I had accepted MARA’s offer to Poland for my medical course. Happy? Sad? Homesick? Travel? Cooking? Playing? Surviving?– Things that never really came to mind at the beginning of the offer.

I totally get why my dad was a little disappointed that I didn’t take the offer because experience is the best teacher- that being away (I’m sure) taught him a lot and he wants the same for me while mom was pretty much against the idea of residing in Europe for various reasons. There were days when I’d think of the could have beens until three years later when juniors started coming into my current university and how happy some people are to have been picked to be where I am today.

And that’s when I realized, how ungrateful I’ve been all these years. I didn’t get my most desired university but God gave me the best option in return. I’m in the best local university, what more could I ask for? God is not just fair, He’s more than fair. Alhamdulillah.

As for experience, we all gain experience anywhere we are. And I am experiencing, I’ll forever be.

This is today's happiness.

2011-06-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

Since everything requires money these days, I’m starting to think money is a form of happiness. And that happiness are most of the time.. paid for. It can be bought.

I was having a private conversation with myself in my mind earlier today (no I no crazy mayn) and after putting so much thought into this money-issue.. I have come to such a conclusion. I mean think of this, things you think you don’t need to spend money on might turn out to be the contrary of your belief. Take baking for instance, you don’t expect flours to drop from the sky do you? Nah, I believe not- flour sits at the bakery store: you give cash, you gain flour and then will you get your cookie.

I love leisure- anything beach makes my heart skip a beat and mind you, beach is an expensive leisure. Considering I live many miles away from the white sand and deep blue sea— expenditure on such is necessary and again, money. Also, I’m showing a little interest in small crafts (just the simple ones) and even that requires papers, ribbons, etc- MONEY.

Even marriage requires the big M. Having lived in today’s modern society, people put dowries as much as RM 10k, at minimum although in Islam, Al-fatihah is sufficient as mas kahwin. We’re talking ten thousand ringgies here, not 10 cents. Whatever it is, you need money to secure yourself a wedding which of course, in my personal opinion is a very good investment. Kahwin tu rezeki bukan? But still.. Money.

So what exactly is free in this world? Aside from air whose oxygen content is decreasing as skyscrapers replace greenery. I won’t be surprised if oxygen supply starts to cost money in the future too. The thought of money itself scares the crap out of me, it’s almost depressing. So here I am meddling with my own thoughts. Scary, scary, thoughts.

Who knew, a piece of paper can change . . . . . lives.

Lahs, mahs, canai, lemak, fatty crab- you name it, we have it.

2011-06-07T06:22:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had dinner with a Scottish couple who've been living in

Malaysia

for years now. They plan on making this country their permanent home. And thought, if foreigners have so much to like about this place, why do the rest of us (Malaysian citizens) keep focusing on what we lack instead of what we already have?

And I’ve come to a conclusion that we’re just:

1) Ungrateful citizens.

2) We haven’t been to the beautiful islands/historical places Malaysia possess.

3) Still ungrateful.

4) Definitely ungrateful.

So this is me, showing love to my country MMUAHHHHHH! Xx

Saturday on fayyyyyahhh!

2011-05-28T06:14:00.000-07:00

After two weeks of muscular dystrophy, Manissa and I are finally back in the game- twenty swimming laps today.. with my new goggles! And later for Nasi Lemak and Lontong Paru for breakfast- how can you not love Malaysia for these?!

I love how we’re keeping up with this exercise during our free times because I do no other sports but this one’s my favourite other than doing nothing. Despite the heavy breakfast, my lovely friend here treated me Starbucks’ banana muffin that tasted superb. :)

And all that eating didn’t just stop there as I then had lunch with two other lovely ladies, Nique and Jue. Nique’s back for the summer (perhaps her last summer in Malaysia) so meet ups are a defo! :) We had lunch at Ben’s (we still don’t know who Ben is). I don’t have pictures of the place but Google can show you! We had good seats with a nice view of Bukit Bintang and traffic jams lol. It was windy too so we actually had good food, good company and everything good!

Here comes the later part for lunch…

We tried Sno, a place that sells smoothies where you can self-create your drink. So basically the taste depends on your picks. Mine was a blended mixture of vanilla ice cream + banana + marshmellows + m&m’s + snickers + Reese’s peanut butter chocolate. Orders are made through touch panels. Since there were only two of those touch panel thingies, I sent my order via ipad (they provided!). How cool is that? Okay was a bit jakun. But worth the try. My alimentary canal is filled with yummyness today, so I is a happy girl yo :)

Silence.

2011-05-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

Medicine is an emotional journey after all.

Then.

2011-05-18T01:24:00.000-07:00

CAAAAKKKKKKKK! (:

#justsayin'.

2011-05-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

Been reading a number of articles lately. ‘Nation’ related articles; serious stuff I know right? Just when I thought I’d leave all the seriousness in my faculty, I guess I’ve grown to appreciate ‘serious’ even at home. Anyways, today’s post is going to be.. serious. Yeah I think I’ve mentioned the word serious a couple of times now. So be prepared for my train of thoughts.

Everyone has their own opinions right? It’s a free country. But what if, everybody wants to speak and be heard? If you ask me, I’d say only God can fulfill everybody’s wants and needs. Ask the President, not everybody benefits. You know people’s longings to leave this country, work outside, gain experience, earn more, never come back and live a happy life elsewhere? I totally get it but that doesn’t mean bringing down the place where one came from just because one is successful elsewhere.

Everybody has dreams. Big dreams. Every parent wants the best education for their children but if everyone were as selfish as those who refuse to come home and serve just because political system can be manipulative, don’t go writing articles complaining how laid back we are and how undeserving the country is to receive labor work from the “higher” graduates. If the local education system is so bad, bring back what’s good instead of sit around and write articles on how “bad” it is. I happened to come across an article which said something like “it’s not about what the country can do for you but what YOU can do for the country” #WORD. If you can get seventeen thousand Malaysians to have that kind of thinking, I’m pretty sure we won’t make it to the article of “shame” for people to continuously pour their dissatisfaction.

I respect the ones who actually get the chance to study abroad. In fact, I was one of the many who fought for a place but I didn’t get through and I was unfortunate to not have been given the chance. Now that I’m in a local university, I know how it’s like. How the system works, how racial issues remain unresolved and how much more we can change from here. It’s not entirely a bad thing having to study in a place where people regard as “low” standard. Anything berkenaan duniawi pasti memerlukan ‘fixing’. Everyone deserves good education, not condemns. Don’t expect changes, be the change. There’s a reason why many have been picked to get world class education. If people keep complaining, then I could have been a better candidate.

Also, if this was a tweet I’d so end with a hash tag #justsayin’.

My legacy.

2011-05-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

… yet another surprise! This time from the sweetest parents anyone could ask for and amazing boys anyone would date a.k.a. brothers. That makes three different celebrations this year and I can’t help but to feel so touched by everyone’s efforts to make my 21^st a memorable one.

My birthday treat turned mega-birthday-surprise just last night. Balloons, a super gorgeous birthday cake, extended family, party packs, cute tags and loads of presents! The love is so overwhelming, I feel like the whole month of May is dedicated to me lol. Thank you Allah for the wonderful experience. 21 is a significant age after all.

Mama once told me she had a huge 21^st birthday my late grandmother organized for her. And guess what? She did the same for me. So now.. I have to do the same for my daughter hehe, insyaallah. I usually don’t celebrate birthdays this extravagantly but this year is an exception :)

I love my folks! ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Call me queen.

2011-05-13T23:56:00.000-07:00

… still smiling as I type. Spent Friday the 13^th listening to Rebecca Black, fun fun fun! Kidding.

I guess ‘Forever 21’ is right after all. If I knew this birthday would turn out so rockin’ I’d choose to stay twenty one forever! Started out as a special surprise from ‘0.5’ who brought along a big group of friends whom I first met with a cake and paper crown in the presence of my best friend and gang by coincidence. I’ve talked about this in my previous post so details shall me minimized.

Followed by my Mum’s sweet gesture of buying me superduper cute heels. I’ve always been the person to ‘usha’ heels but I never really get around to buy them let alone wear. Teal and cute, thank you Madre :)

Received another surprise from an all-time-true-friend, Manissa Sufian. She came with a Tiramisu and two envelopes in hand at my doorstep! And it was 12am, sharp. No one has ever done it so that was frigginlutely lovely :) I’m getting free mani-pedi sesh soon baby, this is so exciting!!

I’ve always wanted to have a birthday party, my last was probably at the age of six but I only remember my 4^th birthday cake. So I proposed the idea to my mum and she agreed to it. I originally planned a house-party with cupcakes, brownies, quiches and everything dessert (trust me, it was all in my head during exams . . . really hope results turn out as delicious as those desserts) but Mama preferred I celebrate my 21^st outside.

And so I did. With nine other divas, three absentees (kena denda ni!) and the remaining nine, overseas. It was a simple all-girls tea party, desserts (!) included. My girlfriends brought two tiaras and balloons along so that makes three different crowns/tiaras I received this year. Be very very jealous, Kate Middleton! All in all, an awesome Friday the 13^th--- pretty much got lucky on a so-called unlucky day. Girlfriends + desserts = bliss.

Definitely one of those birthdays I’d remember in a long time. ♥

Pinched nerve.

2011-05-12T03:54:00.000-07:00

Spent my first day of freedom at the hospital today.

For the benefits of those who do not know, I experienced partial numbness of the right thumb after my long case paper. No pain, just tingling vibrations, loss of sensation and zero comfort when I touch/grip things. Atau dalam bahasa yang lebih simple, kebas.

Tapi kebas ni lain macam, persistent. Sampai hari ni, masih kebas. It’s been Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday so that makes today the third day. I came out with a self-made diagnosis of a median nerve compression. Worse case being carpal tunnel syndrome. My neurologist agreed with the former, thinking it’s a localized compression. Currently on Vitamin B12 supplements.

Writing can cause damage? No, I didn’t write too much. I happened to grip the pen too hard. Four days before my turning 21, I have a compressed nerve. Talk about old age.

Wondercombo.

2011-05-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

Finals are finally over. I don’t wanna say much, I’ll leave everything to Allah for He decides the best for me.

------

People say birthday surprises get boring after a while. Especially when it’s a yearly phenomenon but I kid you not, it never does. Each surprise hits you in an unexpected manner and no matter how you do it, your jaw still drops. And tonight (or shall I say early morning..) my jaw literally dropped.

Greatest gratitude to Allah for such great people around me who are good actors and actresses too. ;) I had the best pre-21^st birthday celebration at my favourite hangout place. It was also the same night/morning that three different ‘worlds’ collided- a perfect combination of Selayang, Petaling Jaya, Teluk Intan and Seremban threw a mega surprise birthday bash for me in front of God knows how many people!

I got my cake and my crown :) Special thanks to the wonderful people who were involved in the planning, I cannot thank you all more :) ♥ Nak lagi tahun depan? :)

Royal hype!

2011-04-29T09:07:00.000-07:00

It’s like watching Princess Diaries thrice the version- only better. Five hours of urinary retention, butt warmness and eyes wide like I was Exophtalmus-ed for the Royal Wedding.

Ironically, I had this design (minus the extremely long, flowy part) planned out in my head for my brother’s wedding but Kate Middleton took the idea from me! Now I have to come up with something a little less Kate-like haha. Jokinnnn'.

Anyways, I think my mom and I spent half the time trying to place Westminister Abbey and locating the places we managed to stepfoot at during our then-London trip. Sigh, good five hours :) A bit sad laaarh, kena say bye bye to everyone's all time favourite Prince (.. now Duke of Cambridge!)! Emosi. Now every commoner gets to dream of marrying a Prince eyy ;)

This, i dig!

2011-04-28T01:34:00.000-07:00

Read the stomach, you forget the uterus. Read the uterus, you forget the stomach. Read the penis, you forget everything else. Muahahah! And then i decided to read this..

I wanna cut the face of the most left and paste it on my pathology book or something. Sounds inspiring. Haha!

... i was seventeen too that night.

2011-04-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

Imma make this an annual thing. Concerts just weeks before finals.

For those who despise this 17 year old, don’t be hatin’. I gotta admit, of all the concerts that I’ve been to, this boy definitely attracts the best crowds. It was #SWAG! Haha ;)

Respect.

2011-03-16T02:32:00.000-07:00

“Perempuan macam tu kalau ada dara pun tak ada gunanya”

I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t furious the minute I saw this statement. Of course, statements like these are easier said when angry. And for a minute, I pictured myself being in that particular girl’s shoe with these words being slammed at me. Sad isn’t it?

Virginity might not be a sensitive issue to some tapi itu adalah maruah seorang yang bergelar wanita. And seeing this comment on a social networking website is just revolting. Whatever happened to respect?

Saying things we haven't for a while.

2011-03-15T03:10:00.000-07:00

It’s the time of the day when you sit in solace and overthink. You think and re-think till you over do it but you can’t help but to let the latter take over you.

I’m back to the “moment” where I start to think who my real friends are, who goes behind my back and who really stays and if so, how long will they really stick by. I come from a very fortunate environment- to have English as my mothertongue, the city to let "loose" in and a mount of exposure to the best and the disastrous events. But what if, today after all these years of feeling so overwhelmed with ‘my’ environment, I want out. That maybe, my age is telling me there’s no use fitting in this familiarity. That maybe, my environment and its people have changed altogether. Maybe, I have changed.

Or there was no “nice environment” to brag about to begin with. There was so much niceness to be part of the “Petaling Jaya” circle but now that I’ve seen so much, there really is nothing special to it. We do the same shit, date people’s exes, date and re-date the same group of people, we backbite, we fight and then we become friends till another drama takes toll. We don’t expand. Maybe we go our separate ways and still come back to the familiar but what if familiar isn’t home anymore?

Today, I feel so distant. Distant with what used to be the comforting crowd. And i can assure you, it's not a very nice feeling.

Backpacking?

2011-03-12T23:46:00.000-08:00

My first medical conference since medschool started and it was a hit. I loved the first talk on the first day- expanding the French word MERCI (it means thank you) into a clinically ethical correlation. Met wonderful already-known USM friends and of course, newer bunch :) Also, my first 8-hour bus ride experience (i'm such a city girl...)

It was also my first time in Kelantan which leaves only Perlis for me to cover to complete my Semenanjung experience. :) We got a free tour around Kelantan; went to tourist attractions like the museum, Wakaf Che Yeh, Pasar Khadijah (absolute win) and kilang keropok lekor (rebus one was double win!). Missed out Pantai Cahaya Bulan due to bad weather. Kubang Kerian was pretty wet those three days. Special tour: Wanis’ place for awesome dinner. :)

My first stay in a budget hotel or motel. You know those little room rentals by the shoplots yeah. I was pretty skeptical about the idea at first but I was left with no choice. Turned out pretty okay except the toilet’s flushing system ‘flushed out’ so I had to do manual flushing. For those who do not know how, feel free to read Flushing Toilets for Dummies. Haha.

The food was beyond awesome. Sambal belacan every meal was really fulfilling, Kelantan really satisfies my tastebuds!! :) Take these banana muffins for instance, Fer and I went to get them on our last day. The first day of our tour, we were hoping to purchase these muffins but they weren't for sale (they were baking for pre-orders). Upon seeing our disappointed faces, we actually got two free muffins. They were lovely! So on our last day before we headed to the airport pegi la balik Pasar Khadijah to get them.

I also came back with a couple of kains.. I bought for like RM10 each. 4 metre sepuluh rial siapa tak nak. Did a little bit of self-tour on the last day too :)Definitely worth the experience. :)

Someone turns old.

2011-03-08T18:54:00.000-08:00

I’ve been doing surprises for a long time now but stopped recently because my ideas rusted out. But putting surprises to a halt sort of bore birthday celebrations. So to regain the funness of making people fall for early lies, seeing their face blush in great surprise and hear them say ‘aww’ at the end of the day, Fer and I decided to do that on our very own roommate, Shuhaina Arafin !

So this Shuhaina girl fell for our lies. Fer and I went out right after class to get her present, balloons, birthday sash and dinner table ready. Technically I didn’t lie because I said I went out with a ‘friend’ (you see, it’s not abnormal for me to go out on a random Monday with friends from PJ..). Shu thought Fer finished her PBL late (er yea, lambat gila Fer sampai UM pukul 6 lebih? Sure shu, they had so much to discuss on arthritis lol!)

While I was getting the dinner table ready, Fer went back to UM, buat perangai saying she was really hungry and she wanted expensive dinner malam ni instead of our usual dewan makan and Joe’s. Shu bought the second lie. And so the two birds left UM for a ‘fine dine’. Little did Shu know that I was at Delicious waiting for her (she thought I was still out with a ‘friend’) with a lighted pavlova and birthday packages. You should have seen how the kakak at the balloon store reacted when i asked for a crown/party hat for a 21 year old's big day.. Hahah.

Pastu surpriseeeeeeeeeeeeee! Hehehh. Mind you, she had three surprises this birthday: from us, her labmates (she had her name written on a cake!) and her boyfriend. Lucky girl eh? Wonder if anyone else born on 8^th of March had the same lucky charm this girl did on her 21^st. Definitely a fun process :)

Happy 21st birthday Shuhaina Arafin. May wonderful surprises and blessings come in your everyday life. :)

i wonder, woman.

2011-03-03T08:56:00.000-08:00

Right this moment, all I can think of is the multi-purpose blusher by Mac’s Wonder Woman Spring Collection.

So I got myself a free make-over this afternoon and boy was I happy with the outcome. I looked different; refreshed, all dolled up in the face area yet natural (no picture though too bad). The make up artist was nice enough to entertain my friends and I. I love it when they really know how to entertain clients cause I’ve been to some ‘high class stores’ with absolutely low class treatment (different story altogether, well that’s that!).

Back to Wonder Woman- with reference to the upper most statement, I repeat; I want the blusher! It’s RM145 with three different shades and best of all, you can use it as eye shadow and a highlighter at the T zone area and it’s pretty big for a compact blusher :) Wonder Woman design is of course a bonus for me to add on to my why-i-should-get-it. Limited edition some more!

On the downside, I don’t really need a blusher because the heat in Malaysia is enough to make my cheeks turn pink. But it’s the highlighting effect and for the sake of completing my make up set… this seems like a good investment? I’m definitely torn between needing and wanting arghhh. I have till Monday to think.

See, who wouldn't dig that?! p/s: I actually met Wonder Women, I've got a picture to prove but it's with Shue hehe. And finally Alex Pettyfer in I Am Number Four.. that boy I tell you, was worth my 11 bucks.

"i dont do clingy"

2011-03-02T05:24:00.000-08:00

You can even seek break up advice online. This one's definitely a good laugh. Give it a click. ;) i ♥ YouTube.

Changing pattern.

2011-03-01T10:37:00.000-08:00

I haven't really decided if i want to revert back to my 'full-of-hearts' background to regain back my old-school blogging (the ones who've been with me long enough to know which) or to stick to this also-traditional-white-'canvas'. Not too keen on the tumblr like version either. All im saying is background-wise, this writing space is therefore, temporarily under construction :) or not..

Stay tuned!

p/s: Happy March everyone :)

Words cannot describe.

2011-02-28T09:01:00.000-08:00

Can't help but to post this one up. I think everyone should spare 11 minutes to watch this video. I replayed it so many times. Can't help but to feel so tiny, so wrong and so ungrateful when in reality, Allah gives all of us so much more than we expect. But all wei ever do is sigh and complain over the tiniest obstacles.

Subhanallah.

Click here :) - La Tahzan

How 'bout a time machine?

2011-02-27T06:18:00.000-08:00

My youngest cousin turns 7 today :) Muda gila! There's a funny story behind his birthday party tau- he invited his friends to his birthday party a week before the actual date, claiming that a clown will be at his place to entertain (without asking for his mom's permission or even be sure if there was going to be a party in the first place!). Haiii budak budak sekarang, bukan main pandai. So sebab dah invite la kena buat kan, so ini lah hasilnya. And yes, there was an actual clown.

super yummy trifle!! :)
Dont you just wish to go back to that age? Sigh :) Here's a memory of me at seven years young: i hated school. i was scared cause i thought my friends were monsters so i made my dad stand in front of the classroom till recess time (when mum takes over pulak!). otherwise, i'd scream in tears. Such nuisance ey? And there was no birthday party whatsoever cause my parents were too busy paying attention to my youngest brother who was born then haha!

Religion is sincerity.

2011-02-26T00:44:00.000-08:00

On the authority of Abu Malik Al-Harith bin Asim Al-Ashari said that the messenger of Allah said:

Prayer is light; charity is a proof; patience is illumination; and the Quran is an argument for or against you. Everyone starts his day and is a vendor of his soul, either freeing it or bringing about its ruin.

---------

And a good word is charity.

February's inspiration.

2011-02-25T02:58:00.000-08:00

I did a lot of reading last night... on my senior lecturers' resumes that is. I'm an avid stalker, a scary one I must say. My curiosity is kinda creeping me out too. However in my defense, the details I 'found' are all on the net, a public display okay. Need no access code to gain that much of information- oh technology, you give no room for privacy.

And seeing all those resumes made my eyes bulge out and my jaw literally dropped. They're all tip top resumes- the kind of resumes that will bring you far. Nevermind their profession but you guys should really take a look at their researches and community work. I was most impressed with their community work which brings about my new inspiration: being part of the Formula One medical team! The team is usually divided into two; the Public Medical Service and the Track Medical Service. Track Medical Service comprises of 45 doctors, 32 of which are specialists or consultants in anesthesiology, surgery, orthopedic surgery, neurosurgery, emergency physicians, radiologist and 2 flight surgeons on standby. Gulp.

I've always wondered how it'd be like to be a paramedic for the international football team.. i almost neglected another known sport; racing!! It'll be nice to do something different, fast and requires team building. Higher chance if you're a specialist la kalau nak volunteer pun. I went on Sepang Circuit website to check out the volunteer application form haha. But i guess i have to hold on to this dream till a few years time.

For now, let me pass my exams.

Medstudents off campus!

2011-02-23T01:38:00.000-08:00

Lab 10 went all red for a post-cny-lunch today :) Hopped into five different cabs to Spaghetti Grill for a bite. Finally an outing after so many delays and change of dates. It was good fun! What more the all-girls afterparty- little did I know that my labmates can rock the microphone.. for five hours hehehh ;)

Celebrated everyone's birthday too (all year round lol)

Nineteen of us! Missing in picture: our busy faculty representative ;p

In memory of NAE 9062.

2011-02-19T01:26:00.000-08:00

I remember posting an entry on the Perdana my dad sold some time ago and i never thought i'd have to do this again. So here i am crying out loud over a sentimental value (once again).. Pajero got sold at 21 years old. I grew up with this car, we're the same age. It has travelled the entire Peninsular Malaysia (even i haven't) can you believe it? It's still running as good considering the many kilometres it can still travel to up to this day. I've only driven it once/twice/thrice for practice purposes but little did i know it will be this soon to bid goodbye!! Sedih ah.

21 tahun kot, pergi sekolah mama hantar naik kereta ni tau all these years. Pergi ou semua abang hantar naik kereta ni, pergi tuition car pool pun naik pajero. Dulu selalu orang perli kata kereta construction sebab ye la who brings around a 4 wheel drive in the city nowadays unless you're behind a BMW X6. This was the car that broke down quite a few times at one point sampai Mama stuck in the middle of the road trying to fix it and I had to wait in school till 8pm sebab kereta ni breakdown. This was the car that my brother bawak pergi masuk hutan, mandi sungai, pergi backpacking dari Perlis ke Kelantan. Most importantly the car that my mom running around all these years! The car that my primary and secondary school friends grew up with too. The one car that has been there all along okay since i duduk Port Dickson sampai i pindah KL. Bukan semua orang ada Pajero okay.

Which leaves me to exact same feeling when i lost my Perdana. Maybe worst because it's been 21 years seeing this black jeep running :'( DOES ANYBODY KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Over kan entry ni tapi kalau nak bandingkan dengan boyfriend, this car is priceless! (Hehe) Apa apa pun, thank you for the 21 years worth of service, dear Pajero. :(

No more NAE plate numbers.

Sunny side up.

2011-02-18T07:42:00.000-08:00

Okay see that? Instead of boiling or cooking it for breakfast I gave my face a new mosturizer. Oh yeah you ~~heard~~ read me, I had egg white on maaa face! Lets see how this DIY facial works.

Feels like I just had ~~botox~~ injection. Or eggtox..

Who's counting anyways?

2011-02-16T05:42:00.000-08:00

I've been blogging for EIGHT years now. Started out at Xanga (sangat regret for deleting, banyak memories dengan ~~ex boyfriend~~ haha!!) and then i moved to Blogspot which i deleted/renewed a few times (annoyingsyndrome) and then i tried tumblr- stopped half way, still have it cuma jarang sekali update im traditional so what? I'm back on Blogspot... until they come up with a new trend that is.

kalau tak delete my blogspot punya posts before this memang tah berapa banyak entries. fikir balik, i used to have a lot more things to say. thats too bad...

EIGHT YEARS, WHO KNEW!!

SO 2003 ;)

♥ ♥ ♥ prayer is remembrance.

2011-02-14T08:36:00.001-08:00

Have you ever missed somebody you've never ever met? You miss that one person through the stories you hear, read and believe in. I do. I miss you everyday Rasulullah, everyday.

It's of complete shame that i found this documentary after many years. So beautiful. :)

http://muxlim.com/blogs/amirhakim7/a-beautiful-documentary-about-rasulullah-saw/

Salam maulidur rasul. May Allah lead us and strengthen us to follow the example given by our beloved Nabi Muhammad SAW.

Messy.

2011-02-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

Conversations on alcohol, parties, drugs, make out sessions, sexy women, money and hangovers- I’ve never felt so left out. For the first time in my life, I wanted out. Out from what used to be the comforting crowd.

I wished we talked about vegetables instead.

Kuala-la-la-Lumpur.

2011-02-09T01:38:00.000-08:00

Spent the evening in the heart of KL today with a bunch of coursemates for some shopping! Actually, I did not shop (at all! Happy happy!). Decided to give myself some excitement by tagging along considering I don’t go to the city that often whatmore with public transport. So I was sort of sightseeing, appreciating the landscape. Perhaps my second/third time at Masjid Jamek today. I know I’m a sad case for being so confined in my little PJ town that I had to ask for directions from Huda who is by the way, residing in Malacca. It was fun acting like a tourist in your own land. :)

Surprised Huda (former roommate) whose birthday fell on the 8th :) Definitely good fun! Oh, I managed to finish my novel in 1 and a half days! Yes im digging malay novels of late- especially those heart throbbing ones. I’m a sucker for romance despite malay storylines being so typical; involving the handsome and the rich belittling women’s pride and end up falling in love.. with some vulgar in between. Still catches my attention. Looking forward to more AFTER EXAMS!

Am putting myself on hiatus for a lot of things this year including spending (….) and novel-reading (until after exams). Insyaallah. And so far I’m really struggling on the former. Between needs and wants, definitely putting those two into consideration now that I’m on a mission. Haha. Wish me luck guys.

Train of thoughts.

2011-02-07T22:11:00.000-08:00

Hari ni dalam banyak banyak benda i belajar, satu benda je yang i ingat.

"Don't waste your eggs ladies!" or something like that.

Maklumlah dari sekolah dulu asalkan bab reproduction pasti seronok. Keseronokan tu kembali apabila lecturer hari ni memberi galakan yang tak terhingga agar kaum wanita cepat cepat mendirikan rumah tangga. Dont waste your eggs katanya. But it's true la kan, siapa tak nak kahwin?!

VampObsession.

2011-02-06T02:06:00.000-08:00

For Vampire Diaries addicts out there. There's actually a site to order these tees. lol! Thanks Manissa Sufian for recommending.

Talk about obsession! And no, i did not place an order. At least ~~haven't~~.

There's good times behind the pain.

2011-02-05T01:44:00.000-08:00

There was a time when I enjoyed blowing bubbles in the air. I blew them till they disappeared in thin air. Most bubbles acutely burst while some remained intact and swayed with the wind.

Little did I know that the latter is who I am today. I’m a bubble- in my own little intact circle, swaying with the wind. Just waiting to burst.

Goodbyes were never easy.

2011-02-03T00:25:00.000-08:00

No matter how many deaths I see, I still cannot hide my emotions. Let alone your own family.

It’s been a solemn week. With my grandfather’s return to Allah, my grandmother who stayed up two days in a row and never left my grandfather’s side sampai dikebumikan and witnessing my dad’s (first ever) tear was just heartbreaking.

Al-Fatihah to arwah aki.

Good madness.

2011-02-01T03:27:00.000-08:00

STAR WAR_S?

GEDDIT GEDDIT GEDDIT? It's like dressing Honey Stars Cereal in those Jedi robes and lightsabers.. Too cute, hmph. :)

Apa kata orang.

2011-01-31T03:05:00.000-08:00

People will always say no to things that they’d end up doing eventually. When you wanna jeopardize somebody’s well-being you criticize the bad things they do and finish off by saying “I would never do that”. Or when somebody recommends a place to you and then you come up with things like “that place is so dodgy. I would never stepfoot ever again”. When you try a new drink for instance you take a sip and then comment “ew. What a taste. I shouldn’t have tried”. Or make it a concert, you say you’d remain a concert virgin for as long as you live. The list goes on and on.

Before you know it, you’d be smoking weed whether or not together with the person who was smoking weed all along. You’d be hanging out at the same spot you thought was so dodgy you’d never stepfoot at, ever. And you’d be drinking that juice you first thought revolting. The next thing you know you’d be jumping to Paramore or swaying to Justin Bieber in a huge crowd. Never is a big word; it comes after the word hate.

Unless one is a person who sticks to what one (initially) says then don’t go around disliking so many things. One might just fall into one’s own words. Even worse, drown in it. What goes around comes around.

Believe you me, writing this got me thinking too.

Chant a little prayer.

2011-01-30T00:21:00.000-08:00

Non-stop rain, Egypt at stake, Australian floods. God is reminding us. He really is.

Durian runtuh.

2011-01-29T09:36:00.000-08:00

Dengan harapan promotion seperti ini kembali pada tahun akan datang sekali dengan wang simpanan yang ~~secukup~~ melimpah ruah dan cuti yang cukup! Insyaallah. Doakanlah ye?

Dengan ini diumumkan bahawa saya terpaksa membatalkan hasrat memBruno Mars this April.

Rewind button please.

2011-01-28T08:11:00.001-08:00

Back in 2008. Time tu geli geli kan, sekarang gali balik antiques mayyyn. A guy wrote this for me, korang ada ke? Hahahaha! Good times. Thanks Amirul Irfan! :)

i smiled at her,
she smiled at me,
we talked some more,
when she flashed me her teeth.. *drools ;P

o.u is very big,
but so is the rest of the world,
but i dont really care,
cause your teeth are like pearls.

the eye is a very strong weapon,
dangerous enough to light a spark,
if our eyes were on each other,
damn, was it good luck?

this is a story of girl,
who just got a change,
then she met me,
and her world got strange..

They say happy girls are the prettiest.

2011-01-27T22:11:00.000-08:00

Honestly, i'd rather read a blog with self-talk entries than to read one which has bitching involved.

And i don't believe in virtual explanations. Utilizing the good old net for some foolish drama for people to witness- giving people things to talk about and getting angry at the fact that people do (talkabout) eventually. And explaining what was never really a rumour to begin with. Geez. It just makes us all look dumber.

On a much lighter note, this picture turned out prettehh (courtesy of Shu) ;)

Some girls need to be reminded.

2011-01-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

Used to doodle a lot back in those days!! :)

Do people know where you come from?

2011-01-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

It’s a judgemental society. You say one thing people interpret another way. You take many outdoor pictures and people think you’re a social butterfly. You blog and people look at your writings, skeptic. However, all of the above does not prove how a person really is.

Looks can be deceiving. So can words. Some people appear nice on the exterior but you never know what runs on the inside. Some may appear badass but they’re the ones who turn out to be the ones that actually..have heart.

Anyone can call everyone a hypocrite, make everyone else think what great of a person we all can be but nothing’s gonna change the fact that we are who we really are. The sad truth is, we’re all hypocrites, we lie and we fake.

Whatever happened to purity.

Pictures of me pictures of you.

2011-01-25T09:33:00.000-08:00

Here's a confession. I did an experiment. I so happen to terambik 'nice' photos of myself and i edit (dear photoshop you sure know how to hide the truth!) and then i put as profile photo on facebook of course lah. In one day after uploading that 'nice' photo, i terus got so many friend requests lah damn annoying lah kan all also strangers (eh how you guys do it ah? add people randomly.. i should learn). And then i change my profile photo to some random shot yg not so nice la kan then no one wanna add me anymore ok! Lets see if people still wanna be my friend if they see this..

Haha okay im just really bored. So how you like me now? ;p

I feel like cicakman hanging on those walls.

2011-01-24T09:12:00.000-08:00

For some weird reason waking up on a Monday morning is always the hardest. Compared to any other day that is, at least for me.

And Mondays aren’t usually the best of days to start with- starting, that’s what’s hard. Ironic how I go through so many Mondays and still not be able to get over Monday blues.. It’s all in the mind, you and I both know that.

This particular Monday however was a little different compared to the so many Mondays I’ve said hello to. In short, a pretty interesting day :)

Reason(s) being:

a) I only had one class in the morning, 9 am to be exact. And was let to fly like a bird for the rest of the day.
b) Not exactly fly like a bird.. I got my body vaccinated. Hepatitis booster. (Don’t forget yours too! :)) Funny thing was I had it done in a standing position, well that was a first..

c) I chose muscle stretching over an RM100 dinner I (already) paid for. My first rock climb sesh. Been wanting to give it a try but never really had the (right) people to go with. It takes one person to leave for Queensland for this plan to work haiya!
Check that out. Noob's attempt to reach the top. I did ohkay at all walls :)

d) First train ride alone. I’m the most pampered kid.. so give me some room to selitkan this ‘achievement’.

e) Had an awesome SPONSORED meal afters--- at my favourite dining place. All smiles.

You must be wondering why I’m making small events sound big as though I got first class honors on a Monday. Lets just say little things make me happy cause i'm simple like that. And to start the week with these blessings, what more could I possibly ask for. :)

p/s: I'd like to thank Steve Jobs and the rest of the Apple team for inventing iphone. Gotta love all the apps weyyyyy!

Hot as ice.

2011-01-22T06:18:00.001-08:00

You know how people grow up and get comments like “omg you’ve changed” while I get “omg you look the same”. I’m not sure what ‘same’ really means but I wanna change too? Haha. Well I do hope it’s a good thing but the word ‘change’ sounds new and refreshing. Polished. Mmhm :)

But it’s okay, I suppose same is good. Okayla I’m just saying people get prettier during this phase- with college and so many boys to please, people do change in appearance. Or you know like those movies where they show nerds turn into hotmajiggies and go “hello world, you recognize me now?”. Yeah those kind of turnovers would be really nice. Haha.

In my case however it’s nothing like the movies or how I expect life to change. Not like I’ve been planning for a whole new appearance or anything like that. But you get me kan? I think I dream too much. Speaking of appearance and fashion altogether, I’ve been getting encouragement from a lot of people la for me to start wearing those really fancy scarves. The lilit lilit colourful ones? Yup, those kind.

Still on the scarf thing.. Er ya I originally planned on going for the ‘new look’ when I turned 20 but I’m turning 21 dy, still no change haha. It’s so nice tau seeing all these girls trying out brand new kains on their heads and shiz but like tak biasa la. I feel uncomfortable.

My mum and aunties pun insist on me changing my style but im taking my own sweet time to do so. And I don’t wanna wear just cause everyone’s doing it now you know what I mean?

Was talking to the girls at Wan’s party earlier today about this too. Haha. But honestly, everyone looks nice in those fancy scarves. And I love seeing people tryna pull off the image. I just haven’t found the courage to look as pretty (lol) :)

See my lovely tudunglilitlilit friends hehehe! It was so good you sri amanians/uitmers mmuah :)

Cheers to a wonderful Saturday. :)

so afraid of taking chances.

2011-01-21T06:55:00.000-08:00

i've been so passive since highschool ended. it's like i dont know how to make myself useful anymore. you know the feeling tak?? cause i do and it stinks to the brink of unhappiness.

question is how to get up. sucks :(

anyways it's been a happy week.

first this. shu got her ticket for Biebs. lucky kiddo.

and then Chop & Steak at Kampung Baru with batchmates (well.. a quarter of em). It was actually a really good night. Good food. Good company. Wanna do this again!!

Managed to catch up with these two. And i'm all smiles. :)

Subhanallah.

2011-01-13T03:11:00.000-08:00

Retweeted from Syasya Fickry. :)

"when I saw a hot guy on the street I'd say "God he can't be any hotter can he. I can't imagine someone who's better looking than him" but all of that; his looks, his neatness, everything that he has, got washed away the moment I see a young Man sitting in the mosque, reading the Holy Quran"

BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED. Think about it ayy :)

Theres more to life than cyberworld.

2011-01-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

"I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds"

A statement i refuse to deny. Sometimes we do it a little too much. Doesn't mean when the internet cross paths and is of unlimited access we get to cross the line nayy? Ohwell. :)

I have..

2011-01-06T03:23:00.000-08:00

...come to upon in my life that I’m sick of a lot of things. Malls included. I like shopping and all but after a while going from building to building kind of bore me. Problem being money which is constantly scarce, I suppose.

Look right, left, atas bawah semuanya malls. Kadang kadang bosan juga, I’ve been doing the same thing since I don’t know fourteen? Arcade, shopping, eating everything in the mall boy you name it I’ve done it all. Tapi macam tak boleh avoid, semua pun kat sini malls. Duit mengalir (huh money………… which evil made money a crucial asset of life!)

I buy this I buy that, I get happy and that’s that- it stops there. Temporary satisfaction. At 20 + 1, I’m still soul searching; looking for long lasting happiness.

Who wants to Thailand with me, I wanna play with them tigers. Or Sipadan we dive. Or or Bali we relax. Or Switzerland we retire.. (and my little big dream goes on). Even dreaming costs money eh? Heheh.

Did you know that clouds may appear like cotton but they're as heavy as many heavy elephants in Africa altogether. The reason why clouds float on air despite their berat is because they're all spread out in the sky.. And elephants, well elephants remain on land duh. Interesting nayyy?

Whaddat bling you got sir?

2011-01-05T03:51:00.000-08:00

2008 was my last trip to the dentist. The next two-year-trip was spent vising my favourite orthodontist.

Today after that particular day in 2008, i revisited my dentist only to have an ancient record kept somewhere between those old kept files. Got my teeth scaled and my dentist was surprised that I actually wore braces before. Katanya, structure of my teeth was perfectly neat with no signs of leftover braces cement. Apparently most of her patients yang pakai braces dulu had you know.. “signs of i-used-to-wear-those-blings” somewhere in their oral cavity. She was pretty amazed with mine. Should have seen myself in the mirror, confirm tersengih dari telinga kanan ke telinga kiri orang puji. Alhamdulillah, patutnya. So I cuma nak kata agak agak nak pakai braces tu go to my orthodontist okay (who happens to be my best friend’s mother!) :)

Paling penting, orthodontist I UM graduate. Don’t mess you, anak Malaya punya work ada class! Memang ada class, metals on my teeth dulu pun Germany maliiii no China Vietnam made okay. ;) Bangga you, dentist lain puji orthodontist i. Eceh, I yang melebih sebab gigi i. Hari ni hari hargai gigi anda hence the teeth entry haha.

So kepada soon-to-be-dentists kat UM tu, semoga berjaya memang i akan hantar anak anak i kat you all la buat scaling/braces. Haha!

p/s: Dentist i tadi wished me all the best in medschool. She said "it will get better as the years go by" Insyaallah, i look forward to that. Kan seronok kalau semua orang bagi kata kata inspirasi macam ni daripada asyik cakap the F~~ail~~ word.:)

The teaching we hold on to, forever.

2011-01-04T07:32:00.000-08:00

Geram betul.

2011-01-03T22:37:00.000-08:00

Ever witnessed anyone getting drunk? Well, I have. It wasn’t the best night anyway. Ever witnessed an alcoholic acting drunk/barbaric even without consuming alcohol at the time? Yes, yes and yes.

Sometimes I wish that drink never really existed cause it sure as hell ~~shapes~~uglifies a person’s behaviour. No wait the right thing to say is I wish people never really misused it.

I wouldn’t be writing if some people did not cross the line. MY line that is. Not cool. At all.

Tea for five, please.

2011-01-02T07:29:00.000-08:00

Tried Barbera Cafe today! Sangat menarik. European setting. Very very nice ambience me likes. :) A few more tempat makan on the list yang i nak try lagi, tunggu kereta dan $$ je haha. The only picture ive got for today folks :)

I just realized my little set of friends always gather for new years. I mean usually not on the 1st but in between that date. Dari sekolah lagi dah hi-tea hi-tea kat memana tah. Termasuk 2011, kira dah 5/6 years new year tradition. Way to go girls!

Two oh eleven.

2010-12-31T07:37:00.000-08:00

I wrote a long description of My 2010 but scraped it off after my last sentence. Thought the year deserved a longer write up. Even so, no lengthy words can describe what a wonderful year it had been.

Should be out celebrating but I’ve passed that phase. Staying in seems like the better option :)

Definitely one of the best years, hands down. May 2011 bring wonders, insyaallah. Happy new year! Xx

Feeling broken in my melody.

2010-12-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

I believe in second chances. Sometimes 3, 4, 5. Someone's gotta be the better person you know?

Merry christmas!

2010-12-25T06:51:00.000-08:00

Initial plan to bring younger brothers to Land of the Lion turned family holiday :) It was a really good weekend escapade! Second trip to Singapore this year but my first to Universal Studios. Highly recommend everyone to visit this tourist attraction! Felt like I was 4,5,6,7 years young again, happily embracing kiddy rides and taking pictures with favourite characters. You bet I was more thrilled than my 6 year old cousin at the time.

Didn’t get to go on all rides though, massive crowd I tell you. Galactica was under maintenance so that was a turn-off! ): A reason to go again ey ;) Orchard Road (so was Bugis and other areas) was also packed with homosapiens so it really ~~killed~~ my shopping spree. I came back with only one plastic bag. I did better the year before hahaha!

Nevertheless, a darn good short holiday. With that, my semester holiday begins as we speak :) Currently down with flu, fever and everything in between.

See the truth.

2010-12-24T09:39:00.000-08:00

They say first love is the best. That first love lasts. And that it doesn’t beat the love you find after the first one.

Honestly, I don’t really remember how my first felt like. I mean I used to be able to sort of ‘feel’ it even after time passed us all. But it died somehow. I guess I was really tired of doing all the missing, waiting and regretting.

Took me three years to find all that courage to actually let go, face my past and say “it’s okay, no more pain”. I’m glad three years went by so quickly. And I’m glad that I can finally converse with _you again without feeling anything.

Maybe it wasn't even my first (howshouldiknow!) but i just remember the part where i fell too deeply i couldn't let go.

Looking back makes me laugh so hard.

No guilt, just pleasure.

2010-12-23T01:16:00.000-08:00

A good week, alhamdulillah. :) A little fever-ish towards the end of the week but the heat subsided. At first i thought i had so much to write but i really dont know where to begin. So im gonna let these pictures do a lil bit of talking. Cheers :)

A date to remember.

2010-12-19T04:11:00.000-08:00

This time three years ago we’d take this many pictures in a school hall with different uniforms. We’d be chit-chatting, clapping from one performance to the next and cheering for our friends on stage. IU Days were BB-Aman taimmmz!

Today, we took that many pictures in different outfits. We talked, ate, clapped and cheered for a friend who took one step ahead of us at a much bigger event. Congratulations Kamarul & Azni :) Sangat happy for the both of you!! :) And it was so good seeing you boyezzz again!

First friend on the pelamin, I can’t wait to see more in the next few years!!

Cerita tentang kita. (cornyy gila)

2010-12-18T06:15:00.000-08:00

It’s ironic how much I’ve changed yet still very much the same person. Things I never thought I’d do today, people I never thought I’d befriend and de-friend with and love that was rekindled, burnt and newly discovered altogether made these years bittersweet.

Today I’m grateful to have met you in a place I thought was not possible to find new love. Funny how we first met as friends who knew nothing but to tease and later on developed feelings that were vague until much later. It wasn’t the looks that really mattered (in fact this one came second) but I fell for the kindness that nobody saw. Who knew I could last a year without a picture with you for me to show the world our unique chemistry.

So many doubts, many obstacles, two different worlds, complete different backgrounds, almost similar pasts but ~~you’re~~ we’re a wonder :) Today was our first picture- the first picture which turned out to be unprocessed and unsaved. (DAMNINSTAGRAM!) But pictures can only tell so little, it’s the moment that lasts for a long time. Today I’m grateful. Grateful for many things in life and you’re one of the many :)

I'm a happy ieka today :)

[INSERT PICTURE HERE]

What life could bring.

2010-12-17T07:29:00.000-08:00

I like living in the city. Everything seems complete- transport (checked), malls (checked), banks (checked), hospitals (checked), entertainment (triple checked). But everything nice requires money.

It makes me wonder how people can afford a car of their own without even having to work, study abroad self-sponsored, travel on a yearly basis to places I’ve always dreamed of, host the biggest parties in town, afford fine dining and still not get broke. I mean seriously, it’s amazing how cash seems to flow like river for some people. Rezeki masing-masing kan?

People always think that when you own wonderful cars, you’re considered rich and assumed to be living in a huge mansion. There are those who can just go about saying “ask for a car from your dad” macam petik jari boleh dapat or “money isn’t a problem for you im sure” but honestly, in my family you don’t get what you want unless you earn it. It’s a teaching my parents pupuk untuk always berusaha because nothing comes easy in life. So don’t be so sure that people are rich enough to afford this or that. And it scares me to think that there are people who look at me as though I can afford anything at anytime. Truth is, it’s nothing like that. At all.

All great things come from Allah and i'm thankful for everything nonetheless. :)

My thursday.

2010-12-16T02:08:00.000-08:00

Had a good chat with the lecturer earlier today- totally not medical related. As much as I’d like to debate on staphylococcus organisms (pleasevomitatthisstatement) I’d choose to talk about the weather anytime. No seriously, it felt really nice to be able to converse to your mentor over.. miscellaneous! :)

Got to meet my best friend who’s back in town- winter escapade! Well, that’s that. But you know the feeling when you get to go back to your comfort zone and talk about anything without having to be careful of what you say because youre so used to each other? Yeah, feels goooooood!

A friend of mine getting married this weekend. Now that, I cannot wait to attend :) Many events to look forward to really. I can’t wait for Christmas. Family taimzzz! (Y) Been neglecting books for a while now. Need to get back on track…

2010-12-14T01:28:00.000-08:00

One of my favourite class shots. Perhaps the only shot of my labmates that i've got. Not the entire class though. This one goes into the album :)

Torn to do what i have to.

2010-12-13T02:23:00.000-08:00

As much as I’d like to go back to those naïve days thinking everyone was nice, perfect as they were on the exterior, I’m thankful for the present. Because the present taught me to be careful. That’s what I’m doing- careful. Thus I will not bow down to your level only to be equal to you. I’d like to be equal to you in strength, not in the act that you just portrayed. I think we’re all twenty enough to think so be that grown up.

Now i'm speaking.

2010-12-12T00:34:00.000-08:00

Dear (see picture below),

Malaysia is only a five hour drive from Singapore by car/bus, a 45 minute journey by air and accommodates more fans than the land of the lion. So please just google the M-land and consider dropping by for an hour's performance sometime in February. American Music Industry, please take note of the existence of Malaysia and send as many good artists to perform. Cause some fans can't afford multiple trips to see live performances!! :( JustAFan xx

Legendary.

2010-12-11T09:36:00.000-08:00

I've never ~~really~~ told anybody but this one's a tribute to my amazing ancestors. Al-fatihah.

My late great grandfather. Google Dato' Haji Muhammad Yusof bin Ahmad and you'll find amazing results. My mum never fails to mention his contribution to the family, nation and religion. And everytime i hear mama speak of him i get intrigued.

And Tan Sri Dr. Haji Zainal Abidin bin Ahmad is my late great granduncle. Search him in the Sejarah text book, you'll find his story. Many places are named after him now. Including the library in my university.

Then there's arwah Tok Ngah, Ahmad Khalid Yusof being the first Malay artist to employ the Jawi script in his paintings and whom i've personally met during my childhood years.

Every raya, we'd make a point to visit Linggi. To remind ourselves of the ones that have left before us, to reminisce great moments and for the younger generation- to be inspired.

Cinderella parody?

2010-12-03T08:27:00.000-08:00

A tad bit too late :P

Is this a Barbie store?

2010-12-02T08:45:00.000-08:00

ONE DAY!!!!! REAL VERSION ONES LAH :P

Every cent counts, why waste it.

2010-11-30T07:46:00.000-08:00

So people are mourning over the rise in cigarette price, cursing the government out of bluntness while i, a non-smoker sit back and menggelengkan kepala at the angry tweets and statuses.

The government is doing us a favour by helping us to escape death and yet, we all growl over such an act. You're paying to die, just so you know.

Let the race begin.

2010-11-28T09:41:00.000-08:00

Can’t believe life has to go on tomorrow :p 3 days, too soon!

Feels good to be able to avert pure facts and dive into fiction. The last time I actually read a good book was a few months back, during 1st year. That sense of remembrance on the beauty of language and sudden appreciation for its existence, aahhh wonderful. :)

But the thought of picking up Pathology after engaging on fiction seems.. heavy (the burden and book size being equally heavy mind you!!). Come Monday, it’ll be a new start once again. This time it’s about ending the journey for a better placement in the following year.

Lets all start with bismillahirrahmanirahim. :)

Forever young at heart.

2010-11-27T08:24:00.000-08:00

HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTIE :) Xx
I still wish you were back home, pursuing what we had planned together, be in the same uni (one of the reasons i chose UM..), do crazy things together and just you know, do what we do best. But different is good. We may not be in the same field, our plans may have diverged but this tie, this friendship still remains. Fo eternity! And no matter how advanced technology can get, i miss you the same :) ♥

Bliss.

2010-11-25T02:43:00.000-08:00

Ahh the bliss of having internet connection (back again). My little kitten played with the telephone wire and ripped it apart hence leaving the house with no means of connecting to the outside world for a day or two! Bad ass kitten. First my baju now the damn wire. Now that I’ve become so dependant of ze internet, I sulked for such temporary termination.

Hyperbolic much but true fact there. :)

Done with exams and happy. I get a three-day-semester-break so please do not whine over short holidays in my face- try coming to my school and suffocate hearing such a short break. Thankful nonetheless. Despite being stress-free and book-free, I got a pretty bad start for a holiday to even begin with. Scratched my mum’s car just last weekend upon side parking (I need to resit for my parking exam) only to get myself grounded from bringing the car out unless house-chore-related.

A couple of mishaps happened as well but I’d rather not elaborate on it. Hahhh life’s obstacles are not meant to be complained about but surmounted- yes Adolf Hitler had that said in his book. Speaking of which is my current indulgence- Mein Kampf. It’s a pretty cool biography book, so twisted of a tale and deep of a thought and too high of a vocab that I fail to comprehend. Give it a shot, peeps! :)

Anyways, holiday begins as I type all this. May my newly-made resolutions be of good practice the following semester which is of course, this coming Monday. Have a good long holiday to the rest of the unis. Xx

Tick tock on the clock.

2010-11-20T11:18:00.001-08:00

Gotta love her when she's not Hermione Granger. Diggin' her (now) short hair but this one's a classic. Harry Potter after examskplease! :)

p/s: Do not question my gender interest. I'm in a state of confusion.

...KIDDING! OBVIIII!
I just really dig fair-skinned blondes/brunettes with real great er photos? Jyeahh. If anything blame Tumblr for feeding me with all these photogggs :)

Alright, i have to get back to serious business. Temporary distraction to refrain myself from dozing off yeeeps!

It is what it is.

2010-11-20T08:46:00.000-08:00

WHY MUST I LEAVE EVERYTHING TO THE LAST MINUTE????!!!!! No sleep tonight, kid. I scared lah now, must la right. So silly. Okay before i hit stress-zone, i've got a confession..

HEHEHEH! YOU LIKE ME NOW? :)

Fo realz.

2010-11-19T21:47:00.000-08:00

Worth LOL-ing for!

Cause she fly fly, floating skyhigh!

2010-11-19T10:06:00.000-08:00

My mum used to play guitar. She even had one of her own. Dreamguy being tall, dark and handsome. She also had this craze for big superbikes and ambitioned to take up advertising. She had pen pals. Played tennis and other sports-ish stuff when she was young. Got married to my dad and travelled to most places. An awesomesuperdupergreat baker.

I, on the other hand suck at instruments. Never really a fan of motorcycles. Dreamguy being fair-skinned and handsome. I’m a sucker for fast cars and never really imagined myself taking up other than science. Never really the sports person, more of a gila kuasa society stuff. Not quite the kitchenista. And currently waiting for the right man to settle down with and hopefully see the world (life is no Cinderella story but whatevs).

Must have been some gene mutation/translocation/deletion somewhere.. Cause i sure as hell inherited less? Hehe!

Speaking of inheritance.. Gotta love that sexy pushback fo shizz Ms Presley! ♥

MY DREAM ADVENTURE.

2010-11-18T03:46:00.000-08:00

One day i'm gonna do this in New Zealand!! Insyaallah. Amin. :)